A Quiet Rainy Day
by Helia18
Summary: 1st x-men story plz R
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A black Lincoln pulls to the front entrance to Xavier's school for the gifted, inside rides Jean Grey one of the original members of Professor Charles Xavier's original X-Men, of late she has been battling with the feeling that her husband though believed dead by her teammates wasn't actually dead, or so she continued to believe with every fiber of her very being. After paying the driver she turns to enter the Mansion and is greeted by a smiling face, that of Charles Xavier. Striding up the steps she puts down her bags and gives the older man a hearty hug.

"So how does it feel Charles? To be back here I mean, after being in space." She asks inquisitively.

"Well, this will always be my home, you know that." Charles replies in a matter of fact sort of tone.

"But it is nice to see you again. And it is always good to be home."

As the two proceeded through the main door, Jean placed her bags down taking in the feeling of the mansion that had been more her home than anything else for most of her life.

"So is anyone here yet?" Jean asks in a somewhat doubtful tone.

"Only Logan has returned." The professor replied.

This Jean found odd, as whenever the X-Men had any time off they scattered to the four winds, and Logan was generally one of the last to return. She was sure the Remy would be in New Orleans doing, well whatever it is he does when he is not with the team. Pitor would undoubtedly be in either New York City, or Washington D.C. taking in the art museums. Kurt would be at the church. Cecilia would probably be in NYC as well. Warren and Betsy would be trying to spend some free time with each other. She knew Hank had gone to Muir Island to work with Moira McTaggert, and Storm was in Wakanda helping the Black Panther. Rogue had gone to visit Bobby before returning to the mansion, and her "son" Nathan had gone off somewhere with Bishop. She had assumed that Logan would also be taking advantage of the break to go off and do what he does, she assumed somewhere in Asia, but he was the first to arrive back to the mansion, she found that odd.

"After you are settled, I'm sure we can figure out something for dinner." The Professor said warmly before moving into his study.

Jean walked up stairs and unpacked, and while sitting on her bed she fell asleep. Two hours later a light tapping on her door awakened her.

"Yes, come in." she groggily managed to force out.

Slowly the door opened and a face she would know anywhere peered in, his blue eyes instinctively scanning the room. He opened the door a little wider and placed one foot in the doorway.

"Sorry to wake ya Red, but when Charlie told me you were here I figured I would come and say welcome home. As well as let you know the me and the Prof, well we just got some Chinese food, it'll be downstairs with some cold beer if ya want any." Logan stated softly.

"Thanks, Logan I'll be down shortly." Jean said a small smile forming on her face as he closed the door. He had become one of her closest friends, dependable, loyal and willing to listen. Even though he wished they were more than just friends he respected her feelings for Scott, and not forced the subject. So while she had originally thought it odd he was the only one to return now she looked forward to spending time with her old friend.

Descending the stairs Jean was clad in a heavy old sweatshirt, a pair of faded military fatigues and Adidas sandals. As she entered the kitchen she saw the Professor sitting at the table a plate with two egg rolls and some rice in front of him as well as a small glass of cherry. Looking around the kitchen she noticed Logan wasn't present, but noting the porch light on through a window and the stereo playing blues she made the assumption that Logan had taken his meal to the porch to enjoy the rain falling. Taking a beer from the fridge she pulled up a chair next to the professor she grabbed an egg roll herself and the two fell into a conversation. The two talked of old times and how the team had changed while the professor had been away leading Cadre-K . The conversation caused both to smile and laugh and truly cherish the friendship they had developed over the long years. After two hours of chatting the professor decided to turn in and after a quick and warm embrace, he started away.

"Jean." He said quietly.

"Yes, professor." Jean replied.

"Jean, I'm sorry for being the cause of Scott's demise, if I hadn't asked him back he would have never been put in that situation." The professor said his head hung low.

"Professor, you know you couldn't have stopped Scott from doing what he did any more than I could have. And even if you hadn't asked him back, he would have come after hearing what was going on. I don't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself. And if Scott was sitting here he would tell you the same thing." Jean replied, placing a hand on his shoulder and kissing him on the cheek.

"Thank you Jean, until the morrow." The Professor started to his room. Jean returned to the Kitchen retrieving two bottles of Harp, she proceeded to the porch where she found the remaining soul in the mansion. She noted how he never seemed uncomfortable, even with the chill in the air and the rain, he seemed quite content his feet up on the table a book resting on the arm rest of the wicker chair he sat in, a pad of paper resting on his thigh while he scrawled away.

"Mind if I join you." She said stepping to the chair next to his and offering the extra beer to him.

"Hell Red, you bring gifts and I'm sure as hell not going to send you away, have a seat." He replied, taking the beer from Jean and removing the top with an extended claw.

Smiling Jean looked at her friend "James Joyce, Logan? Color me impressed."

"Well I always heard Cassidy talking bout his writing, then I saw the name of the book and it somehow spoke to me." He said pointing to the Title on the bridge of the book, where gold foil spelled the words "The Dead".

"Well how morbid." Jean said forcing a smile and placing her feet up on the table. "What are you writing?" she inquired, pointing a finger to his lap.

Her very smell intoxicated Logan, his head swooned, and he found himself smiling uncontrollably. No matter how long he knew her she still had the same effect on him, she melted him turning him from the hardened warrior to a young boy in love. Even now he had to force the smile off his face. Pulling himself back to reality he forced out a reply. "It's a letter to Jubes, she wrote me and I figured I would take some time and write her a reply."

"That's nice, you two don't talk as much as you used to, but you really do still care about her." Jean said while sipping her beer, knowing the topic would get Logan talking.

"Hell Red, I love the girl, she's my daughter in many ways, she makes me proud. No we don't talk as much as we used to but I still think about her and love hearing from the girl." Logan replied a glint in his eyes and smile on his face.

Jean looked at this man who was so rugged and strong, in many ways the heart and soul of the team, a hardened warrior, who rarely let his guard down and saw the happiness in his eyes caused by the connection to Jubilee. She wondered if she would ever be able to have that feeling, the feeling of pride about the life of a child who you cared for. She was robbed of that opportunity, and it was all of these emotions that brought her back to thinking of Scott. Staring into the darkness she was snapped back to reality by a question from Logan.

"Miss him huh?"

Smiling she choked out "very much, certain times I miss him even more."

"Ya know Red, I'm sure he'll raise his ugly mug anytime now." He forced from his lips, seeing the smile on her face form.

"You think he's alive?"

"You say he is, so I have to go with what you say." He commented. Seeing the smile on her face broaden he was a washed with contradicting emotions, her smile filled him with joy, but the fact that was the thought of Scott and not him tore at his soul.

The two sat in silence for a few moments before Logan rose going into the kitchen to retrieve a bucket of Ice filled with beer. Popping the top off his beer he turned to Jean and said quietly. "Its good to see ya again Jeanie."

The two old friends sat on the porch drinking heavily, softly exchanging stories of their pasts, both bursting into laughter over stories about Hank and his experiments.

"You would figure a man who was such a genius wouldn't burn his fur on such a regular basis." Jean choked out, through laugher.

"You would think wouldn't ya?" Logan replied sipping from a fresh beer.

"Scott used to say that Hank paid for his genius…" Jean trailed off, her eyes welling up with tears.

Logan felt a sense of agony wash over him watching this woman suffer, just then a song by Van Morrison came onto the stereo. An idea popped into his head. Standing up he stepped in front of Jean and extended a hand to her.

"I know you miss Scott, and I know it isn't much, but maybe a dance with ole Logan will cheer you up." He asked gently.

Smiling and wiping the tears from her face, she placed a hand in his. "I think I would enjoy that." She choked out.

As the blues filled notes of "If You loved me" by Van Morrison with B. filled the air, the two individuals drew close to each other dancing slowly. Jean placed her head upon Logan's shoulder, the smell of her hair overwhelming his senses; he held her tightly feeling her warmth. His chin resting on her shoulder, they swayed back and forth.

Lifting her head to look at Logan, Jean slowly drew close to him placing her lips softly upon Logan's. Logan reciprocated moving his right hand up Jean's back, as she wrapped both arms around his thick frame. And in the darkness the image of two people tangled in an embrace could be seen against the backlighting of the porch lights, while the soulful words of Van Morrison filled the rainy night's air.

Affinity and communication  
That is reality  
Understanding is the first thing  
It means so much to me  
If I love you  
I will find the key  
If it's meant to be  
Cause I love you"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As the rain fell quietly during the dark night on the Campus of Xavier's school for higher learning two solitary figures walk in an embrace from the back porch. They pass through the farthest outreach of the Japanese gardens, pausing under a tree to share a kiss, and then proceeding down a small hill to a boathouse on the shore of Spuyer Devil Cove, on the bank of Breakstone Lake.

As the two enter the small boathouse, a series of lights can be seen quickly turning on and then off as the two lovers move to the bedroom. Looking back at the mansion a single figure can be seen at a first floor window cast in shadows. As the final lights in the boathouse are extinguished the figure could be seen leaving the window of the mansion, returning to the darkness.

Early the next morning, in the boathouse on the grounds of Xavier's Institute for higher learning. Logan stands balanced in the windowsill of the bedroom, window open, feeling the falling rain swept by wind, cascade across his face. In the room, sleeping entangled in the sheets, her crimson hair splayed across her back and the bed, lay Jean Grey, the woman he loved, yet he could not rid himself of a sense of guilt over what he had done the previous night.

Rising out of his crouched position he stepped from the windowsill, taking in the room. Scattered across the floor lay his faded jeans and gray t-shirt, her jeans a sweatshirt and a t-shirt embroidered with words University of Anchorage athletics lay in a ball next to the bed, her bra on the lampshade next to the bed, her panties in a ball near the window. Two empty bottles of beer sat on the nightstand, next to the alarm clock.

The room was filled with her scent, just as intoxicating as ever. In the bed she was a vision of unadulterated beauty. Her crimson hair, her body so sleek and smooth, muscular but unequivocally feminine. As he watched her sleep, her body rising and lowering peacefully he wished only that she would open her eyes so that he could see her beautiful emerald eyes look upon him. He wanted to see her smile, to hear her laugh. Picking up his jeans he moved to the doorway opening it quietly so as not to disturb her he slid through the door and padded on bare feet to the kitchen pulling on his jeans he began to make a pot of coffee.

As the coffee maker burped forth its black liquid he gazed quietly out the window onto the Cove, pulling a slightly worse for wear cigar from his pocket he clenched it between his teeth and lit it with a match that he struck on the countertop. Inhaling the sweet essence of the cigar, he moved to the large sliding doors that opened onto a small covered porch sliding through them he sat on a moist wooden chair looking onto the lake as the falling rain rippled its once calm surface. He began to question himself as to what had happened last night. His keen sense of hearing picked up the sound of the bedroom door opening again, he could hear her moving on bare feet to the kitchen and pouring herself a cup of coffee. He could not only hear her but also smell her as she appeared in the doorway, clad in her jeans and the t-shirt. Leaning against the door jam steam emanating from her cup. They remained in peaceful silence for a moment.

The silence was shattered by one soft word from Jeans lips. "Hi."

"Hiya darlin." Logan replied quietly.

Jean walked behind Logan, placing her left hand at the back of his neck she ran her slender fingers through his hair. The sensation was ecstasy to Logan. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, taking in the moment. Jean moved from behind him to the chair next to him, sitting down she pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs clenching the coffee cup with both hands. Logan had chin to his chest, looking at the wood on the deck.

Raising his head he turned to look at Jean locking eyes, they both stared at each other, Logan gazing at her bright emerald eyes, Jean looking at Logan's Crystal Blue eyes. They remained in this position for a moment eyes locked on each other, before Logan ended the blissful silence.

"Jeanie, we gotta talk bout last night." He said softly.

"Yes we do, but later, lets just enjoy this moment." Jean replied softly. Turning her gaze back to the cove.

"Okay, Red." Logan whispered, also turning his gaze to the cove but not before noticing a thin smile on Jean's face, maybe last night wasn't a mistake after all he thought. Lyrics to another Van Morrison song played in his head.

In the darkest night  
I said you are shining bright  
You are my guiding light  
Show me wrong from right  
Beautiful vision  
Stay with me all of the time  
Beautiful vision  
Stay ever on my mind with your beautiful vision  
I can make it  
I can make it  
With your beautiful vision  
-

The rain continued to fall on the property of Xavier's School for the gifted. On the eastern side of the campus two individuals sat on the porch of the boathouse, they sat in silence staring at Lake Breakstone. Finally after an hour and half Logan lifted his head, turning towards Jean and spoke.

"Jeanie darlin, I know we have to talk about this, and I'm fine with talking about it later, but I need to get out of here. I need to take a ride and clear my head." He quietly commented.

"I understand Logan…go, do what you have to." She choked out. "I knew you would need to do this. Just please come back." She whispered.

Standing in the doorway Logan looked over his shoulder and quietly commented "Don't worry Darlin, I'll be back." With that he strode through the inside of the boathouse, leaving through the main door quietly he strode slowly across the wet lawn towards the mansion.

As he approached the mansion he saw the evidence of how the previous night had began, over a case of empty beer bottles sat on a small wicker table. The reminder was not what he had needed to see at this moment, he reached down picking up the letter he had written to Jubilee. He walked into the kitchen; passing through it quickly he reached the stairs and slowly started ascending the staircase when a voice called from behind him.

"Logan, I think we need to speak about what happened last night."

"Listen Chuck, what happened last night is none of your concern, just leave it at that." He growled at the older man.

"I suppose it isn't, but none the less I do not approve." He said with a tone of authority.

"I wouldn't have thought you would. Still ain't you concern." Logan replied, turning to continue up the staircase effectively ending the conversation. The Professor turned quietly and returned to his study without any further comment.

A short while later again strode down the staircase, walking out the front door he walked to his jeep climbed in and started the engine. With a roar the engine started, he popped it into gear and sped off through the front gate. Watching from the front door, Jean wiped tears from her face.

Jean sat in her room staring out her window, had last night really been a mistake? She had loved waking and seeing Logan, his smell throughout the boathouse, even the smell of those wretched cigars. But why had she done it, she loved Scott and she always had, yet last night with Logan had been special. She was kicking herself, she had scared him, and she knew he would leave, she knew it deep down, and now the only question was would he return or had she just lost one of her closest friends. She wished that there were someone she could talk to, she wished that she would see Logan's battered Jeep come roaring up the driveway. She also wished that she could feel Scott's thoughts there in her mind again.

Charles had tried to talk to her about what had happened last night but it had come off as a lecture. She didn't need a lecture she needed someone to listen to her, their had been so few she trusted to do this in her life. Ororo, she was like a sister to her and Ororo always seemed to know when to speak and when to listen. Scott, he was her love, he was always willing to listen to her. Logan, he was one of her truest friends, he would listen and say what he meant, what he felt, and she had scared him away.

Somewhere on the New York Thruway, a battered old Red Jeep sped along its driver lost in contemplation.

Had it been stupid? Why had he given in to his animal urges? She was drunk and vulnerable and he had taken advantage of her. He knew she loved Scott, and always would, and he would always be the fallback, the friend. While he hadn't been ok with that in the past he had accepted it, but last night he hadn't been second fiddle. For the first time ever he had felt that she had loved him the way he loved her, unconditionally.

SLAM, SLAM, SLAM

He slammed his fist on the steering wheel and stared off into the distance, now he was just confused, he would not, could not go back to being second fiddle. He felt he was going to lose the woman he loved, lose her not only as a lover, but also as a friend.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Deep in upstate New York off the main highway, away from the major roads on a scarcely traveled road near a small mountain a battered old jeep is parked on the side of the road. Its owner has decided to take a hike, literally up the mountain. Dressed only in a pair of old jeans and a pair of boots Logan charges hard up the mountain, paying no attention to the rain or the mud, which has turned his faded blue jeans a shade of brown. He is letting the animal inside guide him, following the scent train of some deer, he moves quickly and quietly between trees and undergrowth, he races. This is how he was meant to live his life, by the rules of nature, not by the rules of mankind. Reaching the end of the tree line he is confronted by a large sheer rock face. Three metallic claws spring from each hand, he plunges them into the rock face and begins scaling the cliff.

With movements that seem effortless he plunges one set of claws into the cliff side after another, moving upwards and adjusting his angles to find the least resistant path to the top. If there were any onlookers present they would be witnessing a feat many would believe impossible. The ease and speed that he was scaling the cliff, without safety equipment, in the rain was awe-inspiring. Within a half hour he had reached the top, instead of being filled with joy for the feat he had just performed, Logan simply sat down on a nearby rock; he is lost in thought almost immediately.

His mind raced. It didn't matter what had caused last night to happen. He could blame the beer, he could tell himself that he had taken advantage of her, he could even tell himself that it had been her idea. None of that changed the fact that it had occurred. Should he return? Go back to mansion and listen to her break his heart again, or should he stay here, in the wilderness where no one would judge him. No one would judge him except himself, and he couldn't live with the idea of hurting Jean by doing something so selfish as never going back. He needed to face her, to gaze at her beauty, more than anything else he needed to talk to his closest friend. What could he say to her? How could he say it? How could he face Scott, they had never been best friends, but their was a mutual respect between the two, and he undoubtedly violated the trust the two had struggled for so long to build. He sat perched on the rock rain cascading over his body, he stared out over the valley. Suddenly he rose and headed to a small path for hikers, the path went down the mountain, and he went with the path.

Xavier's mansion, Jean sat in the rec-room continuing her vigil of the driveway, curled up on the couch she rested her chin on her left arm which rested on the back of large overstuffed couch. She wore a pair of Adidas warm-up pants, and a T-shirt with the emblem of Xavier's on the chest. She looked out upon the front of the campus, at the puddles that had formed, how each ensuing raindrop affected the puddle changing its surface, its shape. She saw how the sky still refused to relent its assault of rain. Somehow the entire environment struck her as fitting, it was dark, drab and damp outside. In her thoughts she felt dark and drab, angry and mournful over Logan leaving. She would give anything to see his jeep speed up the driveway, as the day wore on, she doubted that it would happen.

She wondered if he would return at all. Logan had always been a man of principle, a man who lived by his own code of conduct, she was worried if he felt he violated that code. Jean wondered what she could say to him, she knew what he would love to hear her say, THOSE three words. But she didn't know if she could say them with full honesty behind them. Equally troubling was the thought that she may be able to say them, and if so, what could she tell Scott. Scott, she had loved him all her life, and even now it pained her not knowing where he was, knowing he was trapped with that monster. She knew no matter what, Scott would be hurt by what she had done; she would never be able to rationalize what she had done to him. She also knew that Logan was agonizing over this very thing himself. She knew she was caught between a rock and a hard place, that everyone involved would be hurt in some way, but she knew she didn't want to lose either of the two.

Salem Center

It was late at Xavier's school Jean had fallen asleep long ago, sitting in an overstuffed chair in the back of the mansion looking out onto the Lake. The Professor had covered her with a blanket before retiring to bed himself. Shaking his head as he left.

Jean was jolted to reality by a clap of thunder; she started to stand when she noticed she was not alone in the room anymore, he had come back. A small window off to her right was open; she could hear the rain outside. Looking towards the window as a flash of lightning lit the room, she saw him. Perched in the windowsill was the frame of a man she could never forget, his broad shoulders his thick frame.

"Hiya Darlin." He said simply.

"Hi Logan." She said with a smile.

"Think we should have that talk now. Care to join me on the dock." He said grimly.

"Why outside in all this? Why not here?" Jean asked.

"What I say, I want to be between you and me, and this place has too many ears, even if the Prof is asleep." He said in a dour tone.

"Alright, just let me grab a coat." Jean replied, noticing that Logan was soaked, barefoot, and his Jeans were caked with mud.

"Meet ya down there." Logan stated, as a flash of lighting lit the room again, and like that he was gone, off into the storm.

Jean quickly threw on a coat and headed out the backdoor, she scanned for Logan's thoughts by instinct and realized that he was shielding them as best as he could, from her, from the professor, from everyone, whatever he wanted to say he wanted to say it himself. Looking about the grounds as lighting flashed Jean could not locate his form anywhere; she was always amazed how he could do this, move about without anyone knowing. As she trudged through the sodden ground her mind reeled, what was she going to say, what was he going to say? As she approached the boathouse she could see down onto the dock, and there on the end she could barely make out his from crouched on the end the rainwater flowing over his body. As she walked down the dock she could see him more clearly, his jeans were soaked and had remnants of old mud mixed with new mud, his hair usually arching up into two distinctive points was matted down by the rain and he was barefoot. She approached slowly feeling as if she was approaching a wild animal.

"Jeanie, we gotta talk, right now." He whispered.

"I know Logan, that's why I came down here, but why all the secrecy? And why are you covered in what looks like mud." She asked in a concerned fashion.

"Jean, I want to say something before we go any further, just listen to me, from there we can move on if we have to." Logan said, raising up on his two feet and facing her.

"Ok, I will." Jean responded.

"Jean darlin, I just wanna say one thing first." He stated lifting his head and moving towards Jean. "I Love you. Always have probably always will. There ain't no changing that. But more that anything else I respect you, I respect you more than anyone I know, more than Chuck, Ro, Rouge, Kitty, Jubes. More than that I trust you more than anyone I know. You have never tired to change me, you just accepted me for who I am. But what all this means Jean…" He paused looking deep into her Emerald eyes "is that when you say you believe Scott is alive, I have to trust you."

Jean's breath caught, she looked at him, and even without her telepathy she had an idea of what he was about to say.

"I can't betray your trust, and the trust of Scott's. I can't compromise my morals, even if it means losing you." He said taking her hand. "When I woke up early that morning and saw you in bed, I have never been so happy in my life, it was as if all my dreams had come true. But then I saw a picture of Scott, and I realized that I could never be with you again, because you love him, not Me." He whispered to her. "I never would hurt you darlin, and that's why I'm leaving, cause when Scott gets back her, you looking at me is gonna be painful, and I can't bear that."

Jean's legs gave out from below her and she fell to her knees tears flowing from her eyes. Logan grabbed her and their eyes met; Jean began to speak forcing it out of her mouth.

"Logan, when we were together I felt something I have only felt once before…"

"With Scott." He injected, cutting her off.

"You are my best friend Logan, my best friend. Like you said you trust me, you respect me…well I trust you, I respect you more than anyone else, including the professor." She stammered out. " I don't know what exactly what I am going to do about…about us. But I do know that losing you and Scott Is more than I could bear."

Logan stood and began to walk down the dock. Jean forced herself up, and turned to face the departing man.

"Logan, GOD DAMMIT! STOP!" She screamed at him. "You bastard, you said you would never want to hurt me…well you leaving, leaving here, leaving this team, these people, leaving me…well if you do that you will hurt me more deeply than you could imagine." She stood tears flowing down her face.

Logan stopped where he stood, and dropped his head to his chest, his back still to Jean. The rain intensified, and flashes of lightning filled the sky. On the dock two figures could be seen standing on opposite ends.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Logan stood rigid where he had stopped, frozen by Jean's comment. Jean stood ten feet away from him but she could tell not only by her telepathy sensing it but also by Logan's demeanor, she had him thinking.

"I mean it Logan, that would be the most hurtful thing you could do to me." Jean forced out tears still streaming down her face.

Not looking up from the ground, or even turning around Logan replied. "What should I stay for?"

"Are you that stupid? For the team, for all these people you care about and who care about you…and…for me." Jean said trailing off. She wrapped her arms around herself, feeling alone.

Logan spun on his heel and stormed back to Jean. "For you darlin? You are in love with Scott, not me. You ain't gonna leave him, and I'll always just be second fiddle, don't seem like much of a reason to stay." He growled.

"How…how…how can you say that? Didn't last night mean anything to you at all?" Jean croaked out in frustration.

"Darlin, last night was the greatest night of my life…last night is also the reason that I know I can't stay around you if I can't be with you, not anymore, I can't go back to what we were before." Logan replied as he wiped tears from Jean's cheek.

Jean stared at Logan through tear filled eyes. She realized that he was very serious, he was going to leave the team, the school, and her. She ached at the thought of what was occurring.

"Why are you doing this to me Logan?" Through tearful eyes she stammered. "Why are you making me choose? Either way I lose someone I love, either way I lose, it isn't fair."

"Life isn't always fair Jeanie, you know what as much as I do. If the world was fair neither of us would have lost the people we care for in our lives. If the world were fair you would have never been taken by the Phoenix, if the world were fare I would have never served Apocalypse. If the world were fair I would never have had to be an afterthought to you. But the world isn't fair and both of us have to live with that fact." Logan said in a compassionate tone.

"You were never an afterthought to me. I've always cared about you, how can you say that I looked at you as an afterthought." She said in a perplexed tone.

"I ain't saying that to hurt you darlin, I'm just saying what I feel, what I've seen." Logan said holding Jean gently on her left shoulder. "Thought you liked the way I said what I felt?"

"Logan, I love the way you speak your mind, but it seems like you are trying to hurt me here." Jean stammered. "Like you are trying to avoid the issue yourself."

"Darlin, when I left this morning I was tryin to avoid the issue, but instead I realized exactly what I had to do. Jeanie, you are the one dodging the issues." Logan said confidently.

Jean stood motionless knowing he was right. What he had said hurt because it was so true. She was avoiding the issue because the choice was not something she thought she was strong enough to make. How could she choose between these two men, these two that she loved. She couldn't decide, she couldn't make a choice.

Logan could see the Jean was torn, fighting her very thoughts and emotions. He couldn't bear seeing her suffer, he wheeled on a heel and strode off the dock. This time Jean could not call after him. She couldn't do anything but watch as his shadowed figure disappeared into the darkness. Jean collapsed onto her knees crying, as the raindrops battered her body.

Logan entered the mansion and quickly moved to his room, grabbing two duffel bags he began stuffing his possessions into them. He stuffed clothes in one bag, and memorabilia in the other bag. Not taking time to even look over what he was pushing into the bag, his swords, old photos, books, knives, and an address book. He grabbed an old cowboy hat from a bedpost jammed in on his head, tossed his bags over his shoulders and left his room.

As he was descending the stairs he was confronted by the figure of Charles Xavier.

"Leaving us Logan?" He said calmly.

"Yup, Charlie…gotta pick up roots." Logan retorted.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with you and Jean would it?"

"None of your business as to why I'm doin what I'm doin." Logan growled as he headed to the door.

"I understand, but I would hope you would take into account your teammates feelings. It seems you are being quite selfish. How will the team react to you leaving? Is there anything I could do to change your mind old friend?" Xavier asked sympathetically.

"The team is made of strong individuals Charlie, you know that, but give them this." He handed a small piece of paper to Charles with several numbers scrawled on it. "They will know what it is. And give this to Jeanie." Handing a small envelope to the professor. With that he turned and walked through the door. Moments later the engine of his Jeep could be heard starting followed by the sound of his jeep driving away.

On the dock Jean heard the Jeep pull away and saw the lights move down the driveway until they finally left the grounds. She sat on the dock, her knees pulled to her chest crying.

A week had passed since Logan had left, and the team had slowly returned. The first had been Rouge and Piotr locked at the elbows after a long weekend with each other. Storm had been next, and everyone had noticed happiness after returning from Wakanda and spending time with T'Challa. To everyone's surprise Kurt had come back, most thought he would just remain at the church continuing his training for priesthood. Cecelia also had returned and was working hard with the professor and Kurt to overcome her addiction to the drug "Rave". Warren and Betsy returned late and there was noticeable tension between the two after being in New Mexico together. Hank had returned, his usual jovial self, he had immediately taken to research in the med lab. The newest member of the team Neal had comeback, apparently having spent his week in Tahiti. Remy was the last to return. Leaving only Bishop and Nathan still unaccounted for.

A week and Jean had yet to open the letter left by Logan with the Professor. She had come close, but just hadn't been able to open the envelope. Word had spread quickly through hushed voices as to what everyone had believed to have happened between Logan and Jean. There had also been considerable commotion when Remy had learned that Rouge had taken to a relationship with Piotr. After an argument with heated words between Remy and Rouge, Remy had also left, however it seemed by the amount of things still in his room that he intended on returning at some point.

However the reaction to Logan's departure had been mixed. Piotr believed firmly that Logan would resurface soon enough and that he was just letting things cool down. Betsy seemed unsure and Warren was adamant about his belief that "the little fuck" was gone for good. Neal had very little insight, as he barely knew the man. Kurt was full of belief that he would return. Hank had not given his opinion and neither had the Professor both preferring to stay out of matters of the heart. However Storm and Rouge had told Jean that they believed that Logan would return, though they refused to say what the numbers scrawled on the small piece of paper left for the two of them meant.

Somewhere just outside New York City, Jubilation Lee sits on a greyhound bus. She is very angry, from the day she joined the X-Men Logan had been like a father to her. So when she called the mansion to talk to him she was very disturbed by the news Rouge had told her, that Logan had left and the rumors said it was because of Jean. Jubilee was furious but immediately started thinking as to where her delinquent father figure may have gone, she came up with one idea, a safe house in New York City that he kept, and so she had set out to find him. As she disembarked from the bus she quickly move through the bus terminal before reaching the street and quickly hailing a cab. Climbing in she said through grated teeth "119 Bay 14th Street, and step on it."

Sitting on the dock of the boathouse alone trapped in thought was Jean, this had been the scene of he and Logan's conversation, this had been where she stood as Logan left hoping that he would reemerge from the shadows. This is where she had spent the most of her time in the past week. She was now so caught up in thought that she didn't notice the figure floating in from the skies behind her. As the woman with the silver hair landed softly all Jean felt was a soft breeze on her back. She was startled when the Goddess of weather spoke.

"Jean may I offer a ear for your thoughts." Ororo gently asked.

"I don't know Ororo, maybe…maybe that's what I need, to let someone else hear my thoughts instead of letting them eat at me." Jean said forcing a smile.

Ororo walked softly to the edge of the dock before sitting down next to her friend, their legs dangling off the end of the dock as they both stared onto the lake. She had been reluctant upon her first arrival to say much to Jean about Logan's departure, choosing to allow Jean to her thoughts. But a week had passed and Jean had said little to anyone, causing Storm to become concerned for her friend.

"Ororo, may I ask how Africa was?" Jean asked.

"Of course." Storm said with a sigh. "It was very good, while I was involved in combat I became reacquainted with an old friend."

"T'Challa? You seem to be very happy about seeing him again. Is there something there?" Jean asked tenderly with a mix of sadness and joy in her voice.

"I imagine so. We both have similar lives right now, he with the Avengers and his role in Wakanda, I here with the X-Men, and we seem to have a bond that I cannot explain." Storm said smiling. The sight of Storm smiling caused Jean to smile, it had been so long since Storm had been happy about anything.

"I know what you mean about the bond…me and Scott had a bond, and I thought me and Logan did as well." Jean said softly. "But I want you to know how happy I am for you Storm, I hope this works out for you. If anyone deserves it, it is you." She said more confidently, putting her arm around her friend.

"Thank you Jean, but it is you I am concerned for, you have been quiet since I returned. I want to know if you are alright." Ororo said looking at Jean.

"I suppose I am just confused." Jean said knowing exactly what Storm was intending on having her talk about. "For years all I would have ever believed was that Scott was my soul-mate. That somehow we had always been meant to be together. But now I think of Logan, and I suddenly I feel what I felt when Scott and I had originally began seeing each other. Its just throwing me for a loop, and in the past week I have been having dreams of Scott transformed, no longer who I fell in love with but something evil and different, dreams that seem to real for me to handle." Jean said staring down into the still waters of the cove.

"I cannot speak about you and Scott, and what your connection is, it is beyond my understanding. But I feel confident in knowing Logan to say that he cares for you, and I do think he will return once he realizes fully what he has done." Ororo said trying to be reassuring.

"Well that could take forever." Jean said half-heartedly joking. Ororo cracked a small grin herself. "I suppose Ororo the thing that bothers me the most…is that I just miss him as a friend. I am not sure if he is something more, I think he may be, but he was and is one of my closest friends, and I miss being around him." Jean commented quietly.

"We all miss him in our own ways, just as we all miss Scott." Ororo said sympathetically.

"And to top it off he left this note which I can't even bring myself to open." Jean said frustrated with herself. "I can't imagine what he might say, or what may be in it."

"Well there is only one way to solve that." Storm said in an understanding tone as she rose to leave. "And I cannot, tell you your path. I can only say that I will be here for you." She said as the winds lifted her into the sky.

Ororo had been right, she had to face this, and she had to know what Logan had left for her. She slowly tore the envelope open, to her surprise a photo folded up and a folded sheet of paper fell out. Picking up the photo she slowly opened it to see its faded image, it was a picture of Logan, Scott and her all smiling and laughing at a team cookout. On the back in small scrawled letters were the words, "old friends" and a date she could not make out. Her breath caught momentarily as she opened the note and read the words inside.

Jeanie-

I didn't do this to hurt you. I did this to ensure you did not get

hurt anymore. When Scott comes back as you believe he will

the two of us will be far too much pain on your shoulders for me

to watch you go through. So while this may seem selfish to you

I do have my reasons. Remember you are strong, stronger than

anyone I know. I still love you Jeanie, but I wasn't gonna stick

around if you didn't feel the same way. Take care of yourself.

My Love Always

Logan

As the cab pulled up to the non-descript apartment building Jubilee thrust the cab fare at the driver not even looking at him before she slammed the door and stormed up the front steps. One of the residents of the apartment building came out the door as Jubilee reached them; she breezed by the old woman and stormed up five flights of stairs. Reaching the landing of the fifth floor she bore to right, and went to the door marked 22E. She thought of all the things she was going to say to him, and as she was about to knock a voice came from inside. "Come in Lee."

She was actually angry that he had known she was there, she wanted to pound on the door so that he demanded an explanation from her so she could blow up at him. Well he may have taken away he pounding on the door but she was going to get the first and last words with him weather he wanted her to or not. She opened the door and quickly moved through the door, slamming it shut behind her. She took in the room, and there near the window looking out on the water of the Atlantic Ocean was Logan. She didn't even wait for him to turn around before she started shouting.

"You self-centered, insensitive, lying bastard!" Jubilee screamed.

"Whoa dar…" was all Logan could get out of his mouth before she cut him off.

"Did you only think of yourself when you decided to up and leave the X-Men? Did you even consider how Rouge or Storm or Psylocke or Jean might feel about you leaving? Or me?" she said trailing off a bit. Before Logan could respond to those questions Jubilee started again. "You always said you would be there for me Wolvie. When I called the mansion after getting your letter only to be told by Rouge that you had up and run off because of something between you a Jean it leveled me. You always said that I was like a daughter to you, that you would always protect me, how you were so proud of me learning about my powers. But when I called and you weren't there, and that this time it wasn't because you were just off doing your own thing but because you chose to leave, it was the most painful thing I could have felt…I lost my parents once Wolvie, and it still hurts to this day, but when I found out you left…it was like I had lost not only my best friend but my dad all over again." She said tears rolling down her face.

"Darlin, I'm sorry." Logan said moving towards her trying to give her a hug. Jubilee pulled away pushing him with her small hands.

"That ain't gonna cut it bub." She choked out. "Why do you always have to run Wolvie? You are so tough in battle but in your own life you are a coward, running at the instant that it may become hard for you. I don't know what happened with you and Jean…" she said pausing for a moment to compose herself. "and I don't really care. I know you love her, I can see it whenever the two of you are around each other. So I know that, if nothing else you should have never left her. I also know that you never considered anyone else before you did what you did. If you had you never would have left." She finished tears still in her eyes.

"Jubes, Darlin…. I never wanted to hurt you; I just was tryin to spare Jean any pain. Tryin to make my life make sense again. I…I was planning on getting in touch with you, but you got here before I could. Damn Darlin, you know I would never hurt you intentionally." Logan said moving towards Jubilee, and placing his rough hands on her shoulders. "Its just I'm tryin to make sense of what has happened and what could happen. I guess you just got caught up in the middle darlin. I'm sorry."

"Seems that's always the case. You get caught up in something, and people around you suffer because you don't think." She said looking into Logan's eyes.

"I know darlin, and I'm working to change that. That's what this is, I'm trying to make sure Jean doesn't suffer for my mistake." Logan said quietly.

"Did she ever ask you to go away? Did she ever say that she wanted to be spared the possible pain she might suffer? Or did you just come up with those things on your own?" Jubilee said confidently.

"I suppose she didn't, doesn't mean…." Logan was cut off.

"Don't say it doesn't mean she wasn't thinking it Logan. Jean is an adult, she is strong, if she wanted you to do this she would have told you. God!, does the metal in your skull affect you though process and make your ideas really dumb or were you born that way?" Jubilee said in exasperation. "And in all your years you must not have learned one thing about women. GO back to the school. If she tells you to leave then fine leave, but at least give her an option, and don't just run away before she can answer. If you really love her, you'll go back to let her answer." Jubilee said confidently, proud of the fact that she had just chided Wolverine like a child.

"Aw shit…. from the mouths of babes." Logan said quietly trailing off. He turned around a got his coat. "Guess I'll be giving you a ride to the mansion as well? Guess you should probably call Frost and Irish and let them know you didn't get kidnapped or anything." Logan said glaring at Jubilee who now had a Cheshire cat like smile across her face. "Well let's get goin." Logan growled. Jubilee thrust her left arm around his right arm and pulled herself to him as they walked out the door.

"Maybe you ain't so dumb after all. Canucklehead." Jubilee said smiling up at Logan.

The hour and a half ride back to Salem center had been, silent for the most part. Jubilee had tried to spark up conversation only to be silenced by and icy glare from Logan before he returned his attention to the road again. They had sped up the driveway and reached the front door quickly. It was very late so it seemed few were awake in the mansion. Upon entering they found that Beast had been the only member of the team left awake.

"Logan, Jubilee what and unanticipated surprise for a bushed individual like myself to receive at this hour of the night." Hank said pushing his glasses up.

"HANK! It so good to see you." Jubilee said throwing herself at the mammoth blue furred man.

"And you as well young miss Lee." Hank said hugging the girl in his huge arms. "Ms. Frost and Mr. Cassidy had requested that we anticipate your possible arrival. They also expressed their consternation with you."

"I know, Frosty and Cassidy are pissed cause I took off, but I had to find this canucklehead first." Jubilee said pointing towards Logan standing in the doorway.

"Ah, Logan….so nice of you to return, maybe I should enlighten the others of your return." Hank said looking the disgruntled looking man.

"Can it Hank. Where's Jean?" Logan said gruffly.

"Well I would wager a guess that she is at the boathouse, however…." He trailed off as Logan tuned and walked away. "well anyways, I suppose we should set up a domicile for you to stay in for the rest of the night Miss Lee." Hank said turning to Jubilee. The two proceeded up the grad staircase to the second floor.

At the boathouse Jean woke from a restless sleep; when she sat up she got the feeling that she was not alone in the room. Instinctively searching the room with her telepathy as well as her eyes she found that she indeed was now alone. Sitting in a open window frame she could make out the unmistakable form of Logan.

"Logan?" She said quietly.

"Hiya Red." He replied.

"Why are you here?' she asked angrily. "What made you come back?"

"Came back cause of you Darlin. I came back because someone talked a bit of sense back into my head." Logan said rising out of the Windowsill, he was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt. "Guess I came back because you never told me to go."

"Well what the fuck do you want, Logan? For me to just spring up and throw my arms around you and say how happy I am to have you back. What you did was fucking horrible Logan, you ran away from me without a concern as to how I might feel. Leaving some scrap of paper intended to make me feel guilty as your farewell. Well FUCK YOU! Go back to the rock you were under." Jean said very angrily.

"Yeah Darlin, I fucked up big. I was selfish and self centered and it never really occurred to me that what I was doing might hurt the people I care about. I was just trying to spare myself some pain, and I told myself I was sparing you pain as well. Turns out I was wrong, I came back to make things right. Between us, Darlin, cause I care about you more than anyone else. I Love you Jean, and if that means me playing second fiddle then so be it, cause at least I'm playing something." Logan said moving towards the bed.

"Yes you fucked up big, and some little contrived speech isn't going to fix it all. Not right away." Jean said glaring at Logan. "You never thought that maybe, just maybe I felt the same way as you, that maybe I couldn't just come out and say it as quick as you. Well Logan…I Love you. And I don't care what the repercussions may be. I'll figure them out as I go. I just want to be with you Logan, you and nobody else." Jean said while standing to face Logan, she was clad in a t-shirt and a pair of mesh running shorts, her crimson hair falling over her shoulders..

"I Love you Logan." Jean said tears falling down her cheek.

"I Love you Jean." Logan said wiping the tears from her cheek.

Looking at the cabin on the cool, clear dark night. One could just make out the shape of two figures in a bedroom sharing a kiss.

end...


End file.
